E M P T Y N E S S

As empty as the road, that is how I feel right now

Aight lemme get this straight. I'm writing this because I'm in a some sort of depression.
DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU FOUND OUT THAT THE ONE YOU LOVE IS STILL IN LOVE WITH HIS/HER EX?

I'm currently in love and of course, in a relationship with a boy who lives in Ampang, Selangor and studying in UiTM Dungun, Terengganu. Not gonna tell how we met but this thing between me and him is not even a month yet.

It hurts, so much. After I found out about his leftover feelings toward his ex, we decided to go on with the relationship and imma help him to move on. I told him I'm okay, but I am actually dying inside. Well, what do you expect? I'm not mad. I'm just upset. Swear to God, he's different from others. He really do know how to make me smile and laugh, he knows how to comfort me, etc. Most of all, he's a very very honest person. Get to know him, then you'll know. Seriously, I never expect that I'd get this type of guy.

Cuba bagitahu aku, siapa yang tak rasa takut atau kisah bila ditinggalkan oleh orang yang kita sayang? (suddenly everything sounds very cheesy and cliche because i wrote that in Malay -___-) Everyone's afraid of losing the one they love right? So am I. Well, maybe it's my fault to love him this much even it's not even a month yet since we officially declared as a couple.

Alright I get it, maybe there are some memories that would definitely bring back those feelings. But why won't you tell me earlier? Because of that, things between us getting awkward and cold, day by day. I know I am the one who started all this cold thingy but please, just for once, put yourself at my place, how would you feel? It can never be the same. I somehow regret asking you that.

I used to think that those sweet unmention wishes you make on Twitter is for me, but now... I can't stop thinking, what I think is you tweet all that to her. Not me. Lagi buat aku suspicious is when you always mention her and yes, indirect tweet with her. I know, it's a good thing that you tell me that. And yes, I understand that you still in contact with each of your exs, being friends with them without any problem. Yes, I don't mind all that because that is what I do too. The different is, you still have feelings for your ex and my feelings right now is just for you.

I wanna forget about everything, since you want me to help you to move on but boy... Once again, be at my place, then only you know. I do not know how to tell you all this, because I'm afraid of what will happen next. That's my biggest weakness. I'm afraid of what will happen to us if I tell you all this. Would you still be with me, helps each other? Or would you just let me go as you don't wanna see I'm sad, as what you told me?

This stupid thing is ruining myself. I'm faking my smile and laugh. It is all because of this. Sampai bila aku nak tahan? Sampai bila aku boleh tahan? Benda ni jadi not even 2 days yet, but aku dah separuh gila serabut tak tentu arah. I have so many other things to think about but my mind is always filled with your name and faces. I'm wondering, how can you say you love me when you still have feelings for your ex girlfriend who you talk, mention, indirect tweet with, every single day?

Ya Allah, berikanlah aku ketenangan jiwa. Kau sahaja yang tahu apa yang terbaik buat kami berdua. Kau berikan aku petunjuk ya Allah. Sesungguhnya, aku sayangkan dia. Aku pasrah, ya tuhan. KepadaMu kuberserah segalanya. Amin Ya Rabbal A'lamin.